I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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