My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
