yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
