the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
