Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
