I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
