Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
