I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I die, sorry about rent.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
