So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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