He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
