Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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