yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
