Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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