Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
