Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
