A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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