i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
God, you're like boner-b-gone
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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