he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
