I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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