Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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