He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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