Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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