so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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