I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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