it's like iHOP with fire
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
