; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
