in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
