She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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