is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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