Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
