My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
