I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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