you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
