u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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