Got a toothbrush?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
