And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
