i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
