I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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