its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
