sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
