Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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