im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
