Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
