i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
