That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
