All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
