get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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