I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
