I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
