Kiss
Puke
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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