I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
