he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
