census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
