I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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